Why Can't I Create Anymore?
Why creative self-inquiry is vital for neurodivergent creative women.
Confession time: I’m starting the process of an ADHD diagnosis with a psychiatrist. Even though my psychologist was the first one to call it in 2022, I’ve been putting it off – mostly because of costs, but also because I’ve been living quite nomadically since then.
This week’s musing isn’t going to be about ADHD though because I genuinely don’t find it all that compelling on its own. I’m more fascinated by it’s devastating ability to crush creativity, seemingly with ease and without remorse.
Yesterday I realised it’s been over two months since my Easter Creative Sprint Weekend and I’ve barely touched my idea since. Not out of avoidance or fear – in fact, I don’t even know why. So let’s see if we can unpack it together here.
Creative Self-Inquiry
“Why can’t I create anymore?”
“Why can’t I create…”
It sounds accusatory, right? On your knees, storm clouds rumbling with thunder above your hear, screaming at the sky, begging for mercy.
At least that’s how it might feel. In reality, it’s rhetorical – you probably know why. Or at least a part of you does.
For neurodivergent creative women, the combo of unregulated attention, low dopamine, and insatiable curiosity can sometimes cancel each other out. An idea, so compelling and impossible to ignore, eventually loses its lustre once you’re out living your life.
Living itself is one big Distraction Fest, with no shortage of bright lights and shiny things engineered to pull you away from what YOU actually want to work on.
I know I sound like I know what I’m talking about, but I’m yet to get anywhere close to solving this riddle (thus the side quest to investigate my brain).
But I’m starting to think that maybe the creative self-inquiry above isn’t even asking to be answered – only to be acknowledged. When everything in the world is shoving commands and directives down your throat, what hope does the quiet magic of creativity have to ever compete?
In my experience, it sidles up to us in our most vulnerable moments, offering a way out of the noise, stress, and overwhelm. But far too often it’s confused for the overwhelm itself.
Maybe the issue is that we’ve forgotten how to really listen?
“…anymore?”
How dramatic is the end of this question, ha! Whenever absolutes creep into your thoughts, take it as a signal that whatever is trying to get through is a threat. To what?
Typically your sense of safety.
There could be real reasons why you can’t create right now, but the extremism of the word ‘anymore’ puts the final nail in the coffin of any possible rebuttal.
There’s no arguing with it. Accept your fate.
OR…
See this lashing out as a fissure, an opening. That part of you that wants to bring something new into the world has been ignored and is desperately trying to get your attention.
The urgency or languish with which this creative self-inquiry arises is energy you can harness to get back to work. The right idea won’t leave you alone until it’s brought to fruition, so don’t let the passing of time fool you into believing it’s too late.
Pay attention to your inner self
It actually doesn’t matter if you ever finish any creative work. There’s lots of people shouting online that ‘We NeEd yOUr ArT’, but the truth is we don’t. But YOU do. Whatever that means to you, whatever that looks like.
All I care about is that you’re experiencing creativity as often as you can. 30 minutes a day is all it takes to feel like a human again when the world wants you to be nothing more that a productivity machine.
So “why can’t I create anymore?” Well, maybe (just maybe) it’s because you’ve been listening to everything else except yourself.
Creatively yours,
Dr Maz xoxo
PS: I’m moving house this weekend and finally getting back into my own space after 1.5 years of adventuring around. It’s not the move I had planned, but it might just be the move I need. More to come…